my brain is hanging upside down

did you know that iran is the deputy for asian nations on the united nations commission on disarmament? kofi, kofi, kofi. i merely mention this because today’s supposedly the big honkin’ deadline, right?

todays stolen headline from wonkette’s thursday trash heap of broken dreams which will make all of my friends on the other side of the aisle spray the front of their pants with a joy jizz: boring ol’ congressional corruption case now with hookers!

a friend sent me a link to something she just recently discovered: the westboro baptist church (godhatesfags.com) and the insane ravings of its founder fred phelps. now i’ve known about fred for a while, being a member of that well known sub-sect of sodomites and heathens known to the rest of the world as broadway. but some folks still haven’t heard about the “work” being done by freddy’s followers and their upside down american flags. seems that they feel that most of the people in the world are going to hell. you can read about their antics at their various websites like smell the brimstone, god hates america, priosts rape boys and so on and so forth. good stuff, i know. now some people out there would lump freddy and the kids in with the right wing. i disagree. i don’t think the wing has been invented yet that fred inhabits. he’s on a plain all his own. if you have a chance, stop by and drop them a line letting them know just exactly what you think of them. did i mention that they like to protest at military funerals with signs that read thank god for ieds? yeah, nice.

k is back! the keeper of the light! all hail k! all hail k! oh k can you see by the dawn’s early light…

in fever swamps across the country the war drums are pounding out the message that karl’s goose is cooked. of course, they’ve been chanting the same mantra in various forms ever since the day joe decided to declare “the frog march” the national dance of the democratic party.

these are of course the same folks who for the better part of the bush presidency have been laying the blame for every mishap of the democratic party at karl’s door declaring him the modern day equivalent of the dark lord sauron with mystical abilities to lead his enemies to do his bidding. rathergate? rove. swifboaters? rove. birkenau? rove (ok, so that was his grandpappy, but you get the point).

so here we have the most diabolically brilliant political strategist ever to wield power on the face of the earth too dumb to insulate himself from a leak? sorry, kids, i’m not buying it. i have a feeling that a lot of people who’ve been building up fitzy as the greatest, most dedicated and honest prosecutor in the history of government service are gonna be doing the carville egg dance and wailing that he was corrupted by the dark genius that is our karl.

it’s snowing

so, my old buddy from fox’s sunday morning show (from back when i used to bother watching sunday morning shows) tony snow is the new white house press secretary, eh? bully! a friend and i were discussing this very possibility over way too many citron & tonics and margaritas the other night and reached several conclusions:

many people’s heads will explode

the likelihood of helen thomas stroking out mid-interruption has just quintupled

david gregory and snow will eventually have a shirtless, bare-knuckle, last man standing brawl in the rose garden

sheppard smith will be found in a gutter with a half empty bottle of jagermeister

karl rove can get back to the business of winning the ‘06 elections

an indeterminate number of hollywood celebrities will threaten to leave the country…they won’t actually go, but they will threaten

press conferences will get a lot more fun

this will really not mean much of anything to anybody who doesn’t follow politics almost religiously

you are worthless, alec baldwin

having just seen finally team america: world police i sat giggling hystrerically reading riedel’s post account of jane maxwell’s farewell to entertaining mr. sloane. i was chortling on the 7 train as a song ran through my head which i now share with you…

i was sent from planet xiron to conquer the earth
i had a terrific plan — i thought it would work
tried to get the earthlings all to kill each other you see
but it all went wrong and now i must decree…

you are worthless alec baldwin, you are worthless alec baldwin
you failed in every way and now my stock in you has fallen
your career is stallin’ and you’re worthless alec baldwin
that’s why i blew your head off and your children are all bawlin’

planet xiron is inhabited with xipods like me
but also with balmacs who are giant bees
the xipods and balmacs are at constant war
so we wanted a new home and that’s what earth was for

but you are worthless alec baldwin, you are worthless alec baldwin
you f*cked up my whole plan and now xiron is smeared with balmac pollen
your garbage needs some haulin’ and you’re worthless alec baldwin
now i must return home a failure — i’m afraid the pit of kryrok is callin’…

all i ever really needed to know i learned from the creators of south park

so i found today a wonderfully non-judgemental article about the hollywood cult so aptly skewered by steve martin in bowfinger. now nobody needed to tell me any of the core beliefs in this fantasyland alien thrill kill horseshit scam. i already saw it laid out in stunningly accurate and devastatingly hilarious animated form on south park’s landmark episode, trapped in the closet . any bunch that wants tom cruise has something wrong with it to begin with.

for fuck’s sake. i wrote this bloody post at 9:30am and have been trying to post it ever since. i don’t feel so bad as i can see that it’s pretty much all of blogspot that going under, but for a moment i wondered just how powerful tom cruise was. i gotta admit, i totally saw him in the tim curry role in legend…for a second…and pink, not red…with droopy horns…

simplicity

so a friend of mine the other day was trying to explain to me that all the woes in the world can be traced to oil. iraq? oil. economy (which he persisted in telling me was stagnating and horrible even though we’ve got the lowest unemployment rate in years at 4.7 percent)? oil. transit strike? oil. terrorism? oil. and summed up by saying that he didn’t care what happened in the rest of the world, that we had to fix our problems here first.

i didn’t really point out the simplistic nature of this argument to him. i mean, it must be nice to be able to assign all the world’s woes to one demon headed by america. unfortunately, i tend to see the shades of grey. like the fact that if we ignore the growing islamofascist threat that we face the possiblity of a caliphate and the fact that churchill’s jaw jaw in this case can elicit nothing more than the false security of a hudna out of which will emerge a nuclear iran more than willing to arm anyone whoi wants to take out a major american city. but we chould stick our heads in the sand and just ignore this because there’s still a homeless guy hanging out in front of the 42nd street and 8th subway stop.

grrrrr.

scotty, to the showers

scotty’s out and we prodly introduce the new white house press secretary: mr. stick figure .