ooga chaka

from the killing fields of d.c. (and via wonkette) comes the story of a man whose selfless determination to do what’s right not just for the people of america, but for the helpless ancestors of humanity, has placed him on a higher plane of existence that the other denizens of the senate jungle. ladies and gentlemen, it’s bill frist: gorilla surgeon!

it ain’t bubba ho-tep

a democrat named william jefferson, no not that one is on tape taking $100k from an fbi informant. hey, at least he was into six figures. ironic though that mid-deal he said, “all these damn notes we’re writing to each other as if we’re talking, as if the fbi is watching.” yep, billy boy, they were.

the city of new orleans has taken steps towards insuring mayor ray nagin’s dream of nola as being “chocolate at the end of the day.” new reports clarify that the city will be raspberry at dawn, licorice during the mid-morning hours, strawberry in early afternoon, dolce de leche durin rush hour and kiwi at dusk.

king james and his merry band of cavaliers learned the age old lesson yesterday that the best team will always beat the best player. a 23 point second half? the lowest point total ever in a game 7? with the season on the line his mates left him high and dry. it was one thing when kobe quit on the lakers in a game 7, but this? i know, it’s not the same. lebron believed in his team, but came to the rude awakening too late that the cavs start and end with king james. will he get more help next year or will he realize that there are times when he has to just step up and take it to the hole and damn the consequences. what effect will the dream denied have on the psyche of the future of the nba? but really, how could anyone have lived up to the hype that was being lavished on him? that pre-game would have jinxed mj.

oh geez, poor bob casey. first he had to watch his double digit lead over senator squish dwindle with each month as the election in pa nears. now he has to deal with his campaign workers’ acting as peeping toms and telling the world, “hey, ricky’s not home…but maybe his wife and kids are!” not the way to woo the heartland there, bobby.

the dixie chicks have a new cd out and not surprisingly natalie maines has something controversial to say. now i might be a teensy weensy bit cynical, but a cover story in time just in time for the release? i’m sure it’s just a happy serendipity that nat’s penchant for running off at the mouth will raise awareness of their cd, and probably start a new fight with toby just in time for the academy of country music awards tomorrow. yep, pure coincidence.

a day that will live in infamy…or not

so david gregory took time off from drunk dialing imus and picking fights with scotty mcclellan to score an interview with dubya out in arizona. the key phrase being hailed as one of the bravest and boldest moments ever captured on tape between a sitting president and an interviewer (at least on the left side of the world) seems to be this exchange:

gregory: let me ask you about your leadership. in the most recent survey, your disapproval rating is now one point lower than richard nixon’s before he resigned the presidency. you’re laughing…

president bush: i’m not laughing.

gregory: why do you think that is?

president bush: because we’re at war. and war unsettles people. listen, we’ve got a great economy. we’ve added 5.2 million jobs in the last two-and-a-half years, but people are unsettled. they don’t look at the economy and say, ‘life is good.’ they know we’re at war. and i’m not surprised that people are unsettled because of war. the enemy’s got a powerful tool — that is to get on your tv screen by killing innocent people. and my job is to continue to remind the people it’s worth it. we’re not going to retreat hastily. we’re not going to pull out of there before the job’s done and we’ve got a plan for victory.

gregory: they’re not just unsettled, sir. they disapprove of the job you’re doing.

president bush: that’s unsettled.

evidently, this is the first time dubya’s been informed of how he’s been polling. yep, that’s right ladies and germs according to dear friends of mine, ol’ georgie boy had no idea he was so unpopular. the president off the united states was unaware that he was seeing approval ratings of nixonian levels. thank god for david gregory. i imagine that we’ll soon be seeing a sea change in the administration thanks to the selfless work of saint david. yeah.

in other news, today is fitzmas, or not. maybe. now, despite what the link tells ya, the only true fitzmas is one that involves a real frogmarch. so according to jason leopold today’s the day. i wait with bated breath.

well maybe not the russian bear but maybe the swedes

ahh the job hunt. i think this is one of the reasons i decided not to become an actor. that would have been one long and constant job hunt. forever “on”. no down time. oh sure, if by some freak chance of nature you somehow become a huge fucking star, it’s all worth it, but the chances of that are on a par with winning the lottery and you don’t have to prostitute yourself to win the lotto. nor do you have to work temp jobs while praying that the next audition is the one. living check to check knowing that each job could be a ticket to primetime or the broadway stage or another broken hand for another director or casting agent who wanted you to “play ball”…literally.

so now, eleven years after giving up that dream for the seemingly more stable offer of an office job, i find myself right back to the hunt. except having done that 11 years in the theatrical trade i have no 401k, no insurance and no real prospects and real world talents. not much call for knowing the beam spread of a mac performance 2k outside the lighting world. however, knowing minutiae without any hands on experience leaves one unable to do the real work of design. sure, one can speak knowledgeably about the aspects, but without the years of the vernacular, the knowledge that only hour upon hour spent in dank theatres with smelly men with a -y at the ends of their names can give, one is pretty much fucked at that whole design end of things.

so it’s administration. executive assistant. right hand to the ceo or the coo or the vp. is that even a career? how is that i’m 36 years old and have no idea what comes next? and why the fuck am i whining about this here? above a topless asian girl with fake boobs.

fuck all that we gotta get on with these.

sin city’s savior

sensuel.canalblog.com

i give you the next governor of nevada! seriously, who better than the former publisher of oriental dolls magazine? i will so totally be back there spending money the moment they elect this fine public servant. did i mention she’s a republican? too fucking great!

so batshit crazy hugo chavez, who hangs out just south of us on that continent that shares part of our continental name is talking about selling a a fleet of f-16s to iran? i wonder how he proposes to get those planes over to iran? now this isn’t quite as bad as it sounds because we stopped selling him upgrades a while back. the chances of our selling the iranians the parts they’d need to make the upgrades? nil. so it’s kinda like hugo’s selling them a buncha planes that technically are some of the most advanced in the world, but really aren’t. still, can we just send a seal sniper team down south of the border? or hell, to the next foreign city he’ll be gracing? get’r done, folks.

the pentagon released some 9/11 video after holding out this long. evidently they were using the moussaoui trial as cover for not releasing it and with his sentencing, judicial watch won their f.o.i. case or the gov’t dropped their resistance knowing their argument wouldn’t stand up after the pissy ante life sentence awarded that butt munch by one fucking gutless fuck of a waste of flesh on the jury. already some of my friends have begun laying the groundwork for the conspiracy theories…why now? of course no one is saying that they agree with the real loons who say it was a globalhawk and not a 757 that slammed into the pentagon, but why is the administration releasing it now? surely there must be some ulterior motive! i knew a shoulda bought stock in reynolds wrap.

nostradamus rides again

so chuckles bushie gave his li’l speech on immigration reform last night and the more rabid members of his own party (i.e. the gop blogosphere) are calling for his tar and feathering here, here, here, here, and here.

well. lemme tell ya what i think we’re gonna see. in the next week we’ll see some polls that start getting closer to a realistic sampling of voters as opposed to the average 37% democrat, 34% independent and 28% republican bs sampling that most folks have been using lately. once they start taking more realistically sampled polls, bush’s numbers will inevitably rise. he’s not going to hit the high 50’s or 60’s, i’m not completely insane here, but mid 40’s (and even low 50’s) is not beyond the realm of possibility. i think the president proposed common sense policies last night with which most people who are not polarized on this issue will agree. pretty much anytime he goes on television and starts to take the offensive his numbers will perk up. add to that the daily fun of watching tony snow and helen thomas tangoing and the senate flinging poop at hayden like monkeys on an all fruit diet and you’ve got a formula for rising numbers. this is conditional on karl not getting indicted. that’s the x-factor. karl goes down and any gains are erased. but, if karl doesn’t get indicted, i see dubya in the mid 40’s by mid-june.

the reason? immigration. the left sees this as the issue that will break the republican party and as the above links indicate, the gop faithful are giving them every reason to think that this is correct. hence, the president’s policies will become popular with those who want to see the downfall of the republican party. watch some prominent democrats line up with dubya on this one figuring that the base will not stomach seeing their faces smiling with georgie’s. the left has shown time and again its frighteningly predictable penchant for overplaying its hand and they’ll do so again on this. oh, sure, once the poll numbers start to go up, they’ll try to find something to drag them back down, but by then the damage will be done. so rock on, dubya, let’s build us some fences in urban corridors!

oh and on a side note, polipundit has reached critical mass and unfortunately edgar may have jiggled the wrong nrc kernels in this case. for the record, i think poli’s got every right to boot people from the blog. i’m just sad to see it happening.

it’s a bittersweet symphony

congratulations to the queen on her 5th tony nomination. a visionary designer, a lovely person and a dear friend.

brother can you spare a dime?

deadspin

i don’t really care what any of you think, it makes me laugh.

everybody have a good weekend? everybody hung over? no? pussies.

saw the divine the misadventures of robbie maitner this weekend with some pals. fucking incredible, he is. if you’re in nyc and you don’t go on the 20th, i spit on you and will sell your friends and relatives into white slavery where they will become sexual servants to jabba the hutt-ian mongolian drug lords. you don’t want it to happen. go see robbie’s show. it’s the best piece of theatre i’ve seen all year.

in the nytimes (free login required…it’s free…oh, just fucking do it already) nagourney asks hey democrats, why win? not sure anyone’s going to buy into this, but damned if it doesn’t make for some pre-emptive cya. “yes, we failed in 2006 to run those bastards out of office, but our plan is working perfectly. we have them just where we want them, in complete control of every branch of government! a-hahahahhahaha!” can i get some of what he’s smoking?

jason says karl’s been indicted!!! so far no one is willing to stand up and agree with him. i have a running brawl over this elsewhere. did karl get clipped? he fucking better not have or i will be so very very pissed at him.

conservative cartoon hotties

i know i need to take this more seriously what with him declaring these to be the “final days of the north american empire”, aligning himself with castro and morales and all, but i just can’t take a guy named hugo that seriously. i just think hugo and immediately a switch in my mind goes and i see baby huey. can’t help it.

did i mention i’m soon to be jobless? yeah. feel free to send cash and or job offers.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

i was too late.

pelosi upsets mckinney.

i’m sick to my stomach.

just leave me alone.

shit.

the weather is here, i wish you were beautiful

ok, i have no idea what they are selling, but fucking-a am i buying!

huffpo

nancy pelosi’s whupping up on cynthia mckinney in wonkette’s congressional catfight. this is one of those times when i wish more than like three of you were reading this. i don’t care about my voice being heard per se, but the idea that nancy pelosi would beat cyn cyn in a fist fight is so beyond ludicrous that it offends my sensibilities. anyone who reads this, go vote. get your friends to vote. send out massive email blasts to complete strangers. this cannot be allowed to stand, dammit!

so the nsa is collecting call info in a national database with which they can analyze patterns. horror of fucking horrors. the advertising industry does it every fucking day. but god forbid that the government should be allowed to use methods practiced by amazon, amex and bed bath & beyond to try to foil terror attacks against the homeland. let’s be straight here: this is not content. they are not listening to calls. they are not collecting address or user profiles or names. just what numbers call which and when. this is third party data, folks. it’s not even covered by the 4th amendment. but ok, let’s let uncle ted and smilin’ chuck schumer determine security policy. between this and the inevitable hearings that have moonbats wetting their pants, if the conservative base cuts off their noses to spite their faces to teach the president a petty lesson they will deserve the destruction that will be rained upon this country. me? i’ll be finding a fucking cave in new mexico.

floyd patterson
1935-2006
r.i.p.

just because it’s friday i offer ya’ll brokeback lego.

josh strickland ate my homework

richard rodgers theatre…and beyond
new york, ny
10 march 2006

disney’s tarzan opening night

let’s see. the mrs.didn’t care for the show. i thought it wasn’t the greatest thing since dreamgirls, but i enjoyed myself. someone asked me, “would you pay $100 to see it?” i told them no, but that i wouldn’t pay $100 to see anything that didn’t involve non-simulated copulation. preferably with heavy audience participation. that said, i thought the show was a vision to behold. i mean it was visually stunning to me with moments of sheer breathtaking beauty.

the party afterwards left me non-plussed, but i never get too excited by those things. jeanny ate too much at the desssert table and nearly hurled in the cab. i drank too much at the bar and nearly took a swing at billy crudup on general principles (or some poor innocent soul who looked a fuck of a lot like billy crudup). it was
a lovely spread they put on and the room (at the marriott marquis…ok, not a room, but a ballroom or a floor or a giant empty swimming pool) had a great ambiance. i loved that they played 40’s tunes during the time when people were eating. they switched to disco after that and i had to leave. disco makes me irrationally abusive and violent.

the downside was that i didn’t get to dance with my imaginary friend jim. i think he saw me coming while they were playing tommy dorsey with a gleam in my eye, a half empty bottle of finlandia and what was left of shuler hensley’s costume poking from between my teeth. i don’t blame him for running away squealing like a girl.

at least that’s the way i remember it…

another opening, another show!

i defy anyone to read jim caple’s never count your money and not have tears in their eyes by the end. my stomach still hurts.

so the president of iran, a weasely looking little shit of a guy, wrote a letter to dubya. an 18-20 page letter that reads like it was written by the batshit looniest bunch on the planet. everything from jesus would not approve of your policies to israel is not really there, we can’t see it, la la la israel’s not there! but the best is the graphic on the pres’s website that shows him sitting at a desk writing and dubya sitting in a chair reading. yeah.

the latest cbs/ny times poll has my boy dubya at 31% approval. now while i am sure he’s not running at anywhere near 50%, 31% just sounds a off to me. ‘course a quick look at what few internals they provide show that contrary to the 2004 breakdown of voters which had it 37% a piece for the cop and the dems and 24% for those pesky independents, this has the respondent’s breakdown at 37% dems, 25% gop and 34% independents. oh and there was an oversampling of elderly folks so the poll’s been weighted to reflect their actual status in the voting population. no splits on how things breakdown along party lines. no breakout of approval by age. now if you wanted to say make the gop look bad, this sure as heck does it, don’t it? oh, some folks are really gonna be losing their minds come november.

the following picture is poorly photoshop’d and damn creepy, but it makes me goggle just the same:

as if there was ever any doubt, keith richards seems to have survived falling out of a coconut tree and landing on his head and incurring enough bleeding that they had to drill a hole in his skull to release the pressure. please, a fall out of a coconut tree? it’ll take more than that to kill the clown prince of darkness? on of the original satanic majesties? a coconut tree? gimme a freakin’ break!

fuck me running and roll me in goose-shit

wonkette has the latest exclusive dirt in goss gate.

the boomtown rats so had it right

lemme see, where do i start? since i skipped friday, this is a catchup post…

oh, ok, goss is out and the new guy’s a flyboy and folks on the other side if the aisle are wetting themselves because this means they get to do that thing they love more than drinking, sex and escaping arrest all wrapped up into one: confirmation hearings!!!

putting aside that personal democratic party orgasmatron for a moment let’s take a quick tour through the possibilities for porter parting:

he was booted

el negro reconquista!

hooker-gate, baby!

there’s no link for it, but i still throw out the old, “he wanted to spend more time with is family.”

he’s booting katherine and her boobs outta the senate race!

and that’s that…until we get confirmation of anything else, dammit!

going deep

action and reaction and, well…

from glenn mccoy