happy halloween

michael says, happy halloween.

isn’t he the cutest little radical jihadist ever?

hat tips to wizbang, my vast right wing conspiracy and the jawa report.

some morning music that makes me grin from my ipod…

motherfucker got fucked up – folk uke (famous daughters sing potty mouth songs sweeter than honey)

home of the blues – joaquin phoenix (walk the line soundtrack) (i still can’t get over how good he sounds)

rednecks, white socks, & blue ribbon beer – johnny russell (‘murrican redneck noise)

what makes johnny run – jon langford and his sadies (limey redneck noise)

that’s how the yodel was born – riders in the sky (someday i will yodel, oh yes, someday)

we’re not the jet set – george jones & tammy wynette (has there ever been a better last name for a female country vocalist than wynette?)

one – iron horse (yes, it’s a bluegrass cover of metallica. not cheesy like hayseed dixie, whom i love as well, but intricate, and almost reverent.)

on the jericho road – hee haw gospel quartet (oh, fuck off, i grew up on hee haw. i still remember what br-549 was, saaaaaa-lute!)

indianapolis – bottle rockets (this just rocks cowslinger style and makes me thirsty for jim beam.)

orange blossom special – osborne brothers (just a fine hoedown. it’s a song that can’t really be fucked up unless you suck. bill monroe’s version is great, johnny’s version rocks, if you like ralph stanley he’s got a verson, ricky skaggs..etc.)

pancho & lefty – townes van zandt (what ohio is doing in the middle of this song, i’ll never know…)

the day marty robbins died – beasts of bourbon (good luck finding this australian band. it’s off their 1984 cd “the axeman’s jazz” but i searched a bit and came up empty. thank you, bootliquor and limewire.)

our town – iris dement (just sweet, i’m a sucker for sweet & twangy)

disgusting pet peeve #241b: the workplace restroom

guys (or girls for that matter, i cannot speak to the women’s room as i don’t spend a lotta time in there) when you use the restroom in your workplace, especially if it’s a large building, flushing is your friend. you’re not saving anybody money or helping the environment or doing anything other than making ill those who must share the aforementioned lavatory with your smelly asses. do you revel in your own stench? do you take pride in leaving the restroom in such a state that even half a can of lysol will not make a dent in the odor? it’s impossible that you can’t have realized what was happening as it was happening. flush the fucking toilet early and often you rancid fucks!

why does the state department hate america and why are they willing to risk american safety to pursue a partisan agenda?

the state department official in charge of public diplomacy for the middle east, alberto fernandez, apologized on sunday for telling al-jazeera that while the united states had tried to do the right thing undoubtedly, there was arrogance and there was stupidity from the united states in iraq. think about that for a second. the state department official in charge of public diplomacy for the middle east. this is the person who is supposed to be projecting the face of america for the middle east and he’s too fucking stupid to realize that whatever he says is going to get cut up and broadcast over and over again? he’s too fucking stupid to realize that the only thing that will be taken from that are the words “arrogance” and “stupidity”? i don’t buy it. i’m sorry, i just cannot believe that someone got to that level in government service in the field that he did and is that dumb. that leaves one alternative: it was a blatant attempt to influence the 2006 election. once again partisans within the administration have put their own goals ahead of the safety of the united states of america.

a steady campaign of leaks and willful sabotage has been carried out by elements within this administration that see themselves as uber-patriots trying to save the country from george bush and the republican party that’s been duly elected to govern. that’s treason. that’s a death penalty offense and by god it’s time we started reminding people that when they take an oath of service to the united states that such oaths are to be honored at the price of one’s life. not just until one decides that it’s not in our best interest to honor it. it’s time for the leaks and the misinformation and the outright attacks from the partisans within to be dealt with. they are doing more damage to to country than bush could in a thousand years because they are destroying faith. they are making moot the entire system of necessary secrecy that a nation must maintain to function. and for what? for partisan gain. to oust duly elected officials by a smear campaign using information that they have taken oaths not to reveal. it’s time for those who break their oaths to learn that there are consequences for their actions.

those who have betrayed the confidence of this government must be treated as unlawful enemy combatants, tried under those terms and executed.

if bush is voldemort, who’s harry?

anybody who feels like getting me one of these for my birthday should feel free. and remember, money should be no object because as we all know, the more you spend, the more you care.

wasn’t last week friday the 13th?

evidently no one told our old friend the tiny despot in the members only jacket, mahmoud ahmadinejad, who declared today that israel “has lost the reason for its existence” to wild cheers of the adoring throngs in tehran. evidently, mr. ronery tagged out before or just after declaring, “i’m so sowwy.” i’m ready to send the iron sheik and nikolai volkoff off the top turnbuckle at both of them.

the mets have finished their pitcherless quest for the series at shea sending the cards up as the sacrificial lamb at the altar of the mighty american league champs (it’s the tigers this year, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?). in a rather shocking turn it was not the pitching, but the bats that betrayed them. apparently some overzealous cards fan was able to smuggle a kalahari bushmen’s blowgun into the stadium and launched a paralyzing dart into beltran’s neck at a rather opportune moment. carlos will be getting a lovely bouquet from a-rod thanking him for taking the heat off.

somewhere jim leyland snuffed out a winston, coughed and tried to stifle a grin.

over at deadspin they’re just waking up to find themselves painfully stuck to the now dried cumstains inside their yadier molina underoos. lambs to the slaughter. bahhhhhh!

welcome home earthquake mcgoon.

move along, please, nothing to see here

every news outlet on the face of the earth breathlessly reported the news of the internet threat detailing a possible dirty bomb attack against 7 football stadiums (do i need to say american football? the kind with shoulder pads and spleen rupturing violence!) even as they quietly conclude, “but officials say there’s nothing to worry about.” it’s a total catch-22. publicize the threat and it’s the gop campaigning on fear if there’s no attack. say nothing and watch 7 stadiums go boom and it’s the gop’s obsessive need for secrecy which killed those spectators by not warning them of the threat. this is why i don’t run for office. well, at least it’s the reason that i give in polite company. ya’ll are polite, right?

themes of the unsc

so i had a few minutes to think about it and as earlier mentioned these are my suggestions for the music that should be played for the members of the unsc as they head up to give a speech. just like batters. or closers.

china, wang guangya – everybody have fun tonight by wang chung (i mean that one’s just obvious.)

france, jean marc de la sabliere – ca plane pour moi by plastic bertrand (i know he’s belgian, but the lyrics make about as much sense as french foreign policy.)

russia, vitaly i. churkin – the internationale by billy bragg (by using the billy bragg version he’s saying, “yes we’re still the soviet union and we will still bury you, but it’ll be so much cooler this time around.”)

uk, emyr jones parry – live and let die by guns & roses (yeah, it might be a british song, but like most other things once the yanks get around to doing it, they fucking own it. i was going to go for something emo themed, but i couldn’t bring myself to delve into that ugly morass.)

usa, john r. bolton – sam jackson’s bible speech from pulp fiction (something about the juxtaposition of sam’s voice and boltsie’s albino walrus ’stache just fits, baby.)

argentina, césar mayoral – don’t cry for me argentina by patti lupone (they just like hearing their name.)

congo, atoki ileka – zulu nation throwdown by afrika bambaataa zulu nation cosmic force (because the unsc has to get down once in a while)

denmark, ellen margrethe løj – no no song/skokiaan by ringo starr (because she has one of those o’s with the line through it.)

ghana, nana effah-apenteng – 99 luftballons by nena (yer not fooling anybody here.)

greece, adamantios vassilakis – bullet by the misfits (just to fuck with the conspiracy theorists)

japan, kenzo oshima – godzilla by blue oyster cult (c’mon, did you really think for a second it was gonna be anything else?)

peru, oswaldo de rivero – in the garage by weezer (ozzie’s still telling folks that rivers cuomo was named after him. it’s sad.)

qatar, nassir abdulaziz al-nasser – dirty work by steely dan (think about it.)

slovakia, peter burian – games without frontiers by peter gabriel (he just loves that whistling part.)

tanzania, augustine p. mahiga – confusion by new order (tanzania, transylvania they just got sick of the jokes and decided to embrace it.)

venezuela v. the empire (with john bolton as darth vader and gw bush as the emperor)

so hugo’s surprisingly enough coming up short on votes in his quest for global domination in the guise of a seat on the un security council, but he vows to continue his war on the field of battle against the “empire.” i would pay money to see bush (or even bolton) show up at the un on halloween in a darth vader costume. maybe it would be enough just to have the imperial theme music come up unannounced every time bolton gets up to speak. do they have theme music for the un ambassadors like batters and closers in baseball? they totally should. that’s a post in and of itself for later.

i love articles about hugo. i read his rhetoric and contrast it with what i read in the us papers and remember how powerful we still are. heck, between him and mr. ronery it almost feels like the united states is not the impotent paper tiger that it’s often described as by some on the other side of the aisle.

just because it was on the same page as mr. ronery…

so she gets stage fright and loses it onstage, i don’t care, she’s still hot. and she wrote flower, for goodness sakes.

mike tyson vs. 200 retarded schoolgirls

so i was touring deadspin cackling about the buzzsaw’s cataclysmic collapse last night when i ran across this item: come watch mike tyson fight a kangaroo. now this tour kicks off appropriately enough where? yep, youngstown, ohio, baby, home of my alma mater! if you’ve never been to deadspin, half of the fun (sometimes more than half the fun) is reading the comments. sometimes they suck, but then other times you get something like this:

maradawga says:

why do boxers necessarily have to fight other boxers? let’s widen the perspective of this sport.

one night only … mike tyson versus 200 retarded schoolgirls. one night only!

don king: “it’s retarded fury; you can’t fight it! mike has never had an opponent like this. wave after wave of retarded schoolgirls coming after mike. he’s never seen this type of enemy. do you know hard it is to bite the ear off 200 retarded schoolgirls?”

ah, dana gould. how i love thee.
10/17/06 11:14 am

now, normally, i am vigilant against and indeed violent towards uses of the word retarded and jokes about the mentally challenged, but this is an exception. i was in fucking tears…

lessons learned or never post in anger

so i took eric’s very simple and quite intelligent advice and decided to write my posts in a text program. since i’m not such a big fan of using microsoft word unless i have to for some sort of formatted piece, like anything i have to do for work, i prefer to write my blog posts in the textedit program that comes native on macs. it’s funny. this is how i started writing my blog posts, but i got away from it and started using the blogger interface. just lazy i guess. but it’s back to using two programs again and not fearing for the loss of copy. oh, and i think i kight have scared mickey kaus.

28 months for treason. yeah, that’s a good sign to send, isn’t it? john edwards your constituents are calling. one nation under david e. kelley.

mr. ronery has proclaimed that the united nations has declared war on north korea. in response, france has surrendered, germany invaded the rhineland, china laughed, russia closed down three newspapers and imprisoned their editors and venezuela declared war on the united states.

i present it to you here, ladies and gentlemen, in case you didn’t see it over the weekend or in followup coverage after the fact. the miami v. fiu fight with commentary by lamar smith, former miami hurricane known best for being run down and stripped of the ball by george teague of ‘bama (one of my favorite college players ever, oh and as a pro he was the cowboy who lambasted t.o. when as a 49′er he danced on the dallas midfield star) in the 1993 sugar bowl.

thankfully, lou pinella is going to the cubs so he won’t be hanging over joe’s head this year if things start to go sour for the yanks. i am blown away that the cubbies didn’t go for girardi. maybe girardi’s gonna lay in the weeds for the yanks job that may very well be available about 40 games into next season (if it takes that long). hopefully he’ll be there because i think he’s the guy for the yanks to build their future around.

in case you didn’t know, the interplanetary force of cosmic destructive awesomeness that is the ohio state fucking buckeyes is #1. fuck the computers, too.

i fucking hate slate.com

motherfucking slate.com and it’s fucking ads just cost me a motherfucking post that was really fucking funny! goddamnit i hate that shit, the fucking slate.com website, to which i will avoid linking as it sucks ass and will buttfuck your computer without lube, somehow manages to fuck up firefox for the mac to the extent that it freezes the entire application for hours at a time thus rendering the application useless and you cannot even navigate back to open windows, yer just fucked. i hate you slate, i hate you. god, i cannot even begin to re-write what i wrote, fucking at least 1000 words. i know, long for me, but slate.com ate my motherfucking long ass funy post and all because i wanted to read mickey fucking kaus. fuck slate.

*update*

just when you think about 5 people are gonna see something…welcome kausfilians.

sock puppets or christ do i spend too much time on message baords

sock puppet

1: a fake personality, usually a ‘friend’ or ’sister,’ created by a drama queen/king for the sake of defending him/herself against others in an online forum.

2: someone who might be an actual person but behaves like the above, defending someone who really deserves no defense.

after mskyootie44 left the board in a snit, she made a sock puppet claiming to be her sister that told us we should all be ashamed of how mean we were because mskyootie was cutting herself in the bathroom.

the fact that i know this term is a bit problematic for me on several levels. less so than my recent infatuation with the blockquote feature, but still a bit disconcerting. spend too much time on message boards and you begin to think of them as a sort of extended family with all that entails. it’s a bit like a virtual cheers without the booze. maybe that’s the attraction. i’ve always liked having a place where everybody knows your name. ironically in the early part of this new century it was indeed a place named cheers. but now, as part of my cleaner, safer self who spends less money, i don’t hang out in bars as much. now i hang out on a message board and haunt blogs. i wonder sometimes which is actually worse: blowing money on booze and hearing about the problems of other borderline alcoholics who are right there, or saving money by staying home and listening to the problems of people who frequent a themed internet space?

a hat tip to carlos amigos

thank you, my brother, carl, for introducing me to the wonder, awe and mystery of tresselsworld from whence i unabassadely stole my new favorite line: “the ohio state fucking buckeyes, an interplanetary force of cosmic destructive awesomeness.” it just don’t get any better than that boys and girls.

in other news, yanks pitcher cory lidle is dead after his pane flew into a building on the upper east side of manhattan. being that i am a ghoul, i will pass along what i found at ace’s place. i don’t usually post things that i find elsewhere verbatim, but in this case i think it’s important enough that it be shared in it’s original form. if ace has a problem, i will of course take it down, but until he contacts me, this is something that everyone needs to see:

the 10/11 truth movement starts here

fact: a “single engine plane” could not crash into an apartment building and merely knock out a few windows.

fact: the fires burning in the building could not have been caused by the mere ignition of aircraft fuel. the plane in question was too small to carry enough fuel to start such a large fire.

fact: cia/mossad have been known to plant pyrotechnic devices in their past. could they have planted firebombs in the precise apartment the plane hit? it seems likely.

fact: it is possible to steer a plane by remote control — especially a small one.

fact: someone notes that yankees pitcher cory lidle’s passport was “found” on the street near the crash — just like mohammad atta’s passport was found in the 9/11 “wreckage.”

fact: the upper east side is known to be largely jewish. and yet no one was home when the plane struck the apartments. why did the jews choose to go to work that day? were they warned by mossad/pnac/william kristol that they should go to work as usual, rather than staying home?

fact: the yankees were just eliminated from al playoffs, making cory lidle “conveniently” available to “pilot” a “plane.”

fact: it is well known the yankees are the most lavishly-funded sports team in the world (largely through jewish money), and can win the world series whenever they really want to.

fact: george steinbrenner. steinbrenner. enough said.

fact: it is also well known that all aircraft disasters are caused by brown people. cory lidle is not brown. he’s not even off-white. why the “rush to judgment” to pin this on cory lidle, a non-brown person in perfect standing, when there are literally millions of brown persons whose whereabouts cannot be ascertained for the period in question?

fact: initial “eyewitness” reports displayed great disagreement. some insisted it was a “helicopter” that “crashed” into the building; others claimed a “small plane.” why was there so much dispute on such a readily-ascertained fact? there can be only one answer: because it was actually a cruise missile fired by an offshore us submarine.

…and the most damning fact of all…

fact: absolutely no cameras — none — captured pictures or videos of this supposed “plane” hitting the apartment building. a small plane travels slow enough to be easily captured by even cheap video cameras. this strongly suggests the “aircraft” which hit the building was travelling too quickly to be captured on film, and again was therefore most likely a cruise missile fired by an offshore us submarine, almost certainly painted with zionist slogans like “we love money!” and “ben gazzara rocks!”